TED TANKS by Pamela Powell

Mark Wahlberg had the midas touch.  I used the word "had" very intentionally.  He lost it!  Did he owe a favor to someone which forced him to participate in such garbage?  That's my hope because I love Mark Wahlberg as an actor and producer.  Mila Kunis was also a star in this movie, who is absolutely gorgeous, but I don't think putting this movie on her resume will build her any serious star-power.  I'm really not going to spend much more of my time reviewing this movie because I will never get back my 106 minutes flushed down the toilet that I spent watching it.  That is an interesting reference because "potty humor" was the level that this movie functioned.

I was able to come up with 4 funny lines from the entire movie.  That leaves approximately 104 minutes of non-funny time.  I guess if you enjoy jokes referring to ethnic slurs, euphemisms for sex and female or male anatomy, or any other words having to do with bodily functions, then you're in luck.  This would be the movie for you.  The premise is ridiculous, but there are many ridiculous premises that have succeeded!  I actually liked the series Wilfred.  Similar concept, but in that case, written with a quick wit, not a dim wit.

That's it.  That's all the time I can put into this movie.  If you go, don't say I didn't warn you.  You need to be male, under the age of 25, and still find fart jokes to be the center of your world.  I'm going to give this one reel because someone had the good taste to put in a small clip of Nora Jones singing.

(This just in from my 19 year old son, "Just saw Ted.  Super funny."  I rest my case.)

1 Reel